On the occasion of the world day against violence against women, Melissa Benoist , note to interpret Supergirl in the TV series of the same name, he shared a traumatic aspect of his past
In a video the actress American revealed that she suffered domestic violence and went out after having endured months of abuse by the partner:
'I am a survivor of domestic violence, something I never expected to say, let alone publish in social media. “
During his speech, the Benoist not fa mai names , describes his former companion as:
'a magnanimous, charming, funny, manipulative and devious person'.
He also pointed out, that this man was younger than she , but showed an obvious maturity for her age. He stated, then, that their relationship changed, when it went from friendly to romantic: '
An escalation of abuse
For a while I was not interested; I was recently single, in a period of change in my life, of stupid decisions; in the midst of all this he became my friend, a friend who made me feel less alone, special, worthy and, once I started going out together, there was a reversal of 180 ° '.
Although he was confused by how his companion treated her , admits:
I was pleased to see how much he wanted me and how much he seemed to appreciate who I was, he loved me, I thought I loved him and I would have tried hard to make things work. “
The actress says that the abuses' were not violent at the beginning ', pointing out that his actions were characterized by jealousy: to check his electronic devices, get angry when he talked to another man and forced her to change clothes, when she went out. Gradually things started to get worse, negatively affecting his career:
'Work, in general, was a delicate subject: he didn't want me to kiss, or even just have scenes of complicity with other men; which was difficult to avoid, so I started to refuse auditions, offers and friendships, because I didn't want to hurt him. “
READ ALSO: Supergirl: Blake Jenner joins the cast and wife Melissa Benoist
Even with these attitudes of control, the woman states, that at the time none of this made me think of the abuse , because I was thinking only of how he felt ; looking back, I see that these alarm bells foreshadowed a more violent deviation of things. “
At about 5 months from the beginning of their relationship, l Glee's former actress reveals that her actions began to become more violent and physical: the first episode was a drink thrown in her face
The fear and shame of an abusive relationship
He says he has said nothing about this out of fear and shame, and reveals how his companion continued to abuse her. Here's how it describes this:
The stark truth is that I learned what it felt like to be immobilized, repeatedly slapped , taken at fists so strong that it takes your breath away, dragged by the hair on the asphalt , taken in heads, pinched until the skin breaks, pushed against the wall with a force that breaks the plasterboard, strangled . I learned how to lock myself in the rooms, but I immediately stopped doing it, because the doors were inevitably thrown down, I learned not to give importance to my things, replaceable or not; I learned not to give importance to myself.
After a particular attack, his companion would have put her in the bathtub with the water open and left alone; once he returned he would apologize, which he often did
deep down I knew it would never change; I only thought I could help him: someone had to tell him, that this kind of behavior was wrong, and who better than the person who suffers it? “
His violent behavior also influenced his personality:
Violence generates violence
'I have changed and I am not proud of how it has changed; I became a person, that I never thought would undermine me. I was angry about what was happening and the fact that you allowed it for fear of failure; I saw firsthand how violence against violence : I began to react, because anger is contagious. I developed a textbook poker face; inside I was the ugliest version of myself I became unreliable, little professional, sometimes unattainable; there were weeks when I didn't get out of bed for more than 2 hours a day. “
READ ALSO: Supergirl: Melissa Benoist and Blake Jenner divorced
The turning point is the request for help
Things changed , when the companion would have pulled the phone in her face, with permanent damage, making them realize, that she had to do something despite the fear and worry:
The impact has detached the iris, almost broken the eyeball, torn the skin and broken the nose; my left eye had closed, it was so swollen and I had a swollen lip; something had broken inside me; this was too much.
This is a lesion, which will never heal completely. My sight will never be as before; whatever I thought was love, it certainly wasn't what I was experiencing , but it seemed too late to get out; would it have been safe to leave? '
After lying to nurses in the hospital , he confided in a friend, who asked about his partner's aggressive behavior, and finally made the decision to leave him:
It was not easy to leave; it is not an event, but a process, I felt guilty to leave and hurt someone, whom I protected for so long, and yes, I was sad to leave something familiar, but fortunately the more people I let approach, the more I felt supported; I never lost that certainty, which told me: 'Not you deserve this.
None of this is gossip. It was my reality; what happened changed my way of seeing life. Breaking that vicious circle was the most rewarding and invigorating choice , which has never done for myself; I feel a strength and a certainty, which have taken root within me: I will recover from this for the rest of my life; and it's ok. '
A confession to help other women
In concluding his speech, Benoist hopes, that her story can avoid, that others suffer the same type of abus or that, underlines, lived 1 man out of 4 and 1 in 4 women, according to National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
I want the statistics to change and I hope that, in telling my story history, others can be prevented; if you are undergoing what I went through and see this video, maybe it could be the drop, which overflows the vase.
He then recalled that “union is strength”
the long road to healing and reconciliation has led me to this moment, when I feel strong enough to talk openly about my experience, honestly and without shame; sharing my story, maybe others will find the courage to seek help and extricate themselves from harmful relationships; everyone deserves to be loved without violence, fear and physical harm. “
Benoist was married to Blake Jenner , his costar in Glee , for a little over a year. She is now married to Chris Wood, known on the set of Supergirl.